I'm Still Alive

 ~Written By Angela Kaye Mason~
(I guess this could count as my "About Me" since I don't have one on this blog. I hesitate to post it, afraid I am disclosing too much, or worried about what people will think, but here it is, maybe it will help someone.)
 

 It has been a while since I took the time to write anything here. The reason is actually very good news for me: I have simply been busy writing articles that actually pay me money! lol. Up until now this blog has mainly been my "Two Cents" on different things that I saw on the news or heard online that I deemed as horrible and felt I had to speak out. This one will be more about me, God, and how far He can bring us. Of course, during the Christmas Season there were a lot of things that I almost sat down and ranted about, but when I had a free moment, I decided just to enjoy the time, instead of stressing about those who choose not to keep Christ in Christmas, yet still want presents for His birthday. But that is another blog post.

A couple of years ago, I was a waitress. Although I loved the job, I knew that I wanted more. I did not know for sure how to get more, but I wanted it. There were a few physical issues that I was having that I knew was going to prevent me from being able to do this job for many more years, and it did not have any type of retirement , so what would I do then?

I was also living in what people call a "bad marriage." That term comes no where close to expressing just how horrible life in those circumstances can really get. I do not want to go into a sob story about how bad it was, but it ended when I really believed he was about to kill me. His abuse had been growing steadily worse for three years.

I had gotten into tech school in the small town where I was living. This was what I thought would be my way out. My plan was to stay as long as I could and get a degree, so that I could get out of the marriage and still have a chance of being able to take care of myself. This was not to be. Before I could even finish the first semester, the situation exploded into a choice of getting out now, or probably not getting out at all.

The whole experience left me in an emotionally crippled state. I spent my days online, in a virtual world as far from God and life as I could get. I could not deal with reality at all, and did not want to. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia in August of this year, which is a fear of crowds or people. My fear was mostly men, however. If I ever managed to get up the courage to walk into a store I could(and still can) tell you where every male in my line of sight was standing, and if he moved even a step closer toward me, I would go into a full blown panic attack. I knew I was being irrational, I knew they were not even noticing me, but I could not stop. I still catch myself keeping track of people approaching me every single time I go into a store.

I was also diagnosed with a dual case of PSTD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is much harder to live with than people realize, and I feel truly sad for those who have this and cannot seem to get relief. I fear everything, it seems. I am afraid in cars, and when riding I constantly grab the door armrest. I can almost see a wreck happening, and imagine all kinda of bad things. It is fear extreme, imagining the worst that could happen everywhere I go. If I give in to it, I would never leave the house, however I refuse to let myself become that crippled. I now go to church pretty often, I manage to go to a store at least a couple of times a month, and I ride in the car, although I cannot stop the fear, I can try to deal with it. This is something I am still working on, because "2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.." I claim that scripture for myself! I do not recommend any certain treatment, or lack thereof to anyone reading this, however, I am currently not seeing a doctor, nor am I taking any prescriptions for depression, nerves, PTSD, or anything else. I am climbing this mountain on my own,step by step with God's help and I pray He blesses everyone who has helped me along the way, even the ones who do not even believe in Him.

I applied for disability because I did not know what else to do. I lost my home, and almost everything I owned when I got out of the relationship,and someone with a fear of crowds can obviously no longer waitress. I was turned down. This meant no income for me, no health care, nothing. The funny thing is, by the time I got the letter that told me I had been denied, I had already got a toe in the door at Odesk, so the blow was not at all devastating. I could see exactly why God had not answered yes to that prayer, and I guess He timed it that way because He knew at that time, I was simply not strong enough to have the faith to have gotten that letter with no alternative in site.

Writing is my passion. I love it, I have always loved it, and I feel that for me, it is not just a job, but a calling. Once I got a toe in the door, I realized that this was not just a way to make money at home since I could not go out and work, this was what I had always been meant to do. Today, I had an epiphany, which is why I am blogging this tonight. I was riding in the car, and memories of my ex crept in. On my way to the store, this was not a strange occurrence. It mad me upset with myself that I was still letting him hurt me, scare me, when I have been away from him now for quite a while. I tried thinking of things that I feel good about in my life right now. I thought of my work, about a chance at a job I am praying about that I think He is blessing me with, and it hit me...if my ex had never done what he did, I would still be a waitress. I am not at all saying there is anything wrong with being a waitress, but God had and still has bigger plans for me. I am also not saying that God caused my ex to hit me so that I would write. I am simply saying that "Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."  My Father, at a time when I was not even living my life for Him, took a horrible situation, and used it to lead me home to Him first, and then to lead me into a job that I love, and that will lead me into great ways to help others in the future. He is working ALL things for my good, and teaching me to trust Him. He did not take me into that bad situation, I took myself there, but He brought me out, and is teaching me to crawl, and stand, and walk...and I know..Who holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.

''I Believe'' ruling Un BELIEVABLE!

 (Written By Angela Kaye Mason)

http:///content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2009/11/sc-license-tag-with-cross-and-i-believe-ruled-unconstitutional/1
Yes, In South Carolina there is a battle going on by people who simply want to express their religious beliefs on their car tag. A company actually BOUGHT the ''I BELIEVE'' statement so that it would be legal for them to use it on their tags, but this also was named ''Unconstitutional''. As stated by a few people on a news interviews I saw..''We can have wildlife, save the whales, and football teams, but our Faith is not allowed. Maybe I don't want to see (name of a football team I won't repeat) supported but only religion is being ruled by government.'' And yes, this makes me want to paint all over my car ''I BELIEVE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!PRAISE GOD, NO WEAPON SHALL PROSPER!'' and drive right across that Georgia state line into South Carolina. I bet I'd have quite a lot of people in the convoy with me!
Also , Home Depot has fired a man, Trevor Keezer, for wearing a button that said ''One Nation Under God Indivisible''http://www.christianpost.com/article/20091028/ex-home-depot-worker-to-file-religious-discrimination-lawsuit/index.html
This one is so sad to me. And yes, I know that the Bible states that these things would happen, but to the anonymous commenter who said that we should not be upset by it, I am sorry, but I am. I am saddened, outraged, and disgusted by a lot that is happening now. And although it is prophecy fulfilled, I do not feel that I am supposed to sit quietly by and watch as my belief, my rights, and my God are degraded, trampled on, and pushed out. Jesus's Death was prophecy also, so was Peter's betrayal, however I just don't think that I could have sat peacefully by, smiling to myself as I watched it all happen. Prophecy or not, it stinks.
This is yet another matter of ''Separation of Church and State''. So....how many of you think that this is actually IN The Constitution? http://www.allabouthistory.org/separation-of-church-and-state.htm IT IS NOT! Read this exerpt from the preceeding link if you do not wish to read the whole article.
 
"Separation of church and state" is a common metaphor that is well recognized. Equally well recognized is the metaphorical meaning of the church staying out of the state's business and the state staying out of the church's business. Because of the very common usage of the "separation of church and state phrase," most people incorrectly think the phrase is in the constitution. The phrase "wall of separation between the church and the state" was originally coined by Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists on January 1, 1802. His purpose in this letter was to assuage the fears of the Danbury, Connecticut Baptists, and so he told them that this wall had been erected to protect them. The metaphor was used exclusively to keep the state out of the church's business, not to keep the church out of the state's business.

The constitution states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Both the free exercise clause and the establishment clause place restrictions on the government concerning laws they pass or interfering with religion. No restrictions are placed on religions except perhaps that a religious denomination cannot become the state religion.''



This will be a rather long post. I watched a Documentary last night on PBS, called ''Secrets of the Dead-The Battle for the Bible'' It was very enlightening to me, and I want to share what I have learned. You do not have to come along on this journey if you do not wish, however I think it is extremely important that we know the truth about this whole ''Separation of Church and State''. They use the First Amendment to control what we can and cannot say, wear, or hang in our offices. It is outrageous, since the First Amendment actually was written so that the government CANNOT decide how we are allowed to express our religious beliefs! I had been taught that our forefathers came to this country simply because they did not agree with or like the Catholic religion in the way it was worshiped at that time, and so they came here to start their own. While this is a very watered down version of the truth, it does not at all explain what they went through, or how dedicated they were to their beliefs and their God. Here...is the whole story as much as I can put here....

In the 1500s, In England, the only Bibles were from the Old Testament, and were not allowed to be read by the public. The Roman Catholic Church had the only translations, and there were no English translations for common people to read. This meant that only Priests/Church Leaders were allowed to read the Bible, only their interpretations were accepted, and that these were accepted as law, since the Government ran the Church.Church attendance was not by choice, it was mandatory for all citizens. Basically, the government interpreted the Bible the way it saw fit and citizens were forced to comply. Among these beliefs were that Mass, Communion, and good deeds were the only way into heaven.

A few people were able to translate the Bible for themsleves, and felt that the Church's interpretation was wrong, and the wealth the Church was obtaining from the people through religion was sickening. Three of these men were, William Tindale, John Wycliff, and Thomas Cranmer. These three men began to translate the Bible into English so that everyone could read it for themselves and make their own judgments. Of course the church did not like this at all, for it allowed the people, for the first time in history, to read the Bible and  to decide for themselves.

Wycliff was born around 1320. He became convinced that the Scripture Itself, and NOT the Mass and Communion rituals, was the ONLY way into heaven. He and others who were translating or reading the Bible began to be persecuted and reading the Bible became illegal and considered heresy in 1407. However, Wycliff had died in 1384, but the spreading of the Bible, known as Lollarday, had continued far after his death. Many of his friends had been burned at the stake for heresy because of their beliefs. The Government was so determined to stop the spread of the Bible, and the followers of Wycliff that in 1428, the already dead Wycliff was tried for heresy, found guilty of 267 counts, his bones were resumed, and his body-dead for 44 years- was burned at the stake. I am so proud to say, ''No, this did not stop the spread of God's word.''
The next man I wish to talk about here is William Tindale.
Tindale had been translating the Bible into English for a few years, when , in 1524, he had to flee the country, most likely to Germany, as it was, at that time , legal to translate and print Bibles in Germany. He released a version of the Old and New Testament in 1526. Martin Luther was starting the Protestant Movement in Germany at this time, and the English Government was becoming even more determined to stop the ''rebellion'' dead in its tracks. Tindale was persecuted, and saw many people he loved, including his best friend, die for the cause of spreading God's word, but still he persevered.He smuggled His Bibles into England by boat.
In 1535, Tindale befriended and hired a man named Henry Phillips. Henry told Tindale that he was a Christian, and seeing a fellow believer down on his luck, he gave the man a job, and shared the details of his smuggling operation.One night Henry invited Tindale to dinner, but it was a trap. Henry betrayed him, and Tindale was deported to Brussels, where he was imprisoned. He was found guilty of heresy and spent a year in prison, never hearing his native tongue,English, spoken.There was never any question that he would be executed as this was the punishment for heresy, however it was decided that he would be strangled first, to make it more ''humane''. So a rope was put around his neck, and a stick placed in the rope, and twisted, until he was strangled unconscious. Sadly, he regained consciousness while burning alive at the stake. He yelled,''Dear God please open the King's eyes!'' Tindale never got to hear his beloved Bible read in his native tongue.

For a while after that, the religious pendulum swung back and forth from Protestant to Catholic. King Henry VIII wanted a divorce because his wife was barren and he wanted a son. When the pope refused to grant him one, he had to find a church that would. So the Protestants were on top for a while and Thomas Cranmer, who was greatly influenced by Luther, pulled the King in that direction. At his death, Mary, his sister, became Queen. She was a fierce Catholic who had Cranmer, along with 300 other Protestants burned at the stake. When Mary died, her sister, Elizabeth took the throne, and attempted to make peace between the two religions, but could not. Her attempts became what is known as the Catholic Church of today, a little of the Protestant beliefs but still holding to the Mass, Communion, and having a Priest intercede for salvation. The Puritans/Protestants were not happy with this. They felt the Church still was ruled by government, and so were their beliefs.Then King James took the throne.
King James was determined to bring peace to Europe. The country was ripped apart by these religious wars, and he meant to stop it. He called conferences with both Puritans and Catholics in attendance. The group argued for quite a while but could reach no agreement. Finally a Puritan suggested that a NEW Bible, and NEW translation, be written that would be more acceptable to both parties. King James agreed and the King James Bible was created, as a way to appease both sides. This version was adopted as law. 
The Puritans, who could not accept still being forced to accept some of the Catholic Doctrine, and having their religious views still punishable by law, left England and formed the colonies.
So no, our ''forefathers'' did NOT form this country just because they didn't ''like'' the way things were done in the Catholic Church, they were actually KILLED if they did not follow GOVERNMENT'S rules as to whether or not they could express their beliefs! And they did NOT create The First Amendment to stop kids from praying in school, or the 10 Commandments from being displayed in government worker's offices. They DIED to preserve or right to do just that....express our religion, whether the government agrees with it or not. They were tired of being persecuted,and punished for ''breaking government ruling'' on their beliefs. Sound familiar?


Here is the entire First Amendment:

Bill of Rights

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Seems to me like they are twisting, misinterpreting, and using our rights......to take away our rights. 
 By, Angela Mason 

''Hate Crime''?????

 (Written by, Angela Kaye Mason)

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/10/22/hate.crimes/index.html?eref=rss_topstories#close=1

That's a wild one for ya. They are going to pass a bill so that anyone who attacks a person just because of their sexual orientation will face federal charges. ''The bill is named for Matthew Shepard, a gay Wyoming teenager who died after being kidnapped and severely beaten in October 1998, and James Byrd Jr., an African-American man dragged to death in Texas the same year.''Apparently Bush vetoed this idea, and OBama is expected to sign it into law.
Now, before you think I am a prejudice, non-caring, hardhearted holier-than-thou,hear me out. I do NOT agree with attacking anyone, for ANY reason. I do not care what color, sexual preference, religion, whatever, you may be, NO ONE deserves to be assaulted. Remember....they wanted to stone the woman for adultery, in the Bible. She was brought before Jesus. He refused to sign that particular bill into law, so to speak. He said''Those without sin, cast the first stone.'' I am NOT without sin. Neither are you. So, no stones should be flying...period.
Here is my issue with this bill.Why should only attacks due to you being gay, or your race, or religion, or whatever be included in this? Should it not be a federal offense to EVER assault ANYONE? I have been in an abusive relationship before. Trust me, it was a hate crime. So how will it be determined what is hate crime and what is not?

Daddy! Help! We Broke It!

  (Written by, Angela Kaye Mason)

We were given an awesome gift. It was beautiful, exactly what we wanted. Everything we needed, we got out of this gift with a little effort on our part. It was shiny and new, a little raw and needed work, but it was clean, and fresh, and ours. With love and care this gift was wonderful for all. Everyone was invited to share it, and if everyone who used it had maintained it, it would truly be awesome by now. But we broke it. Drug it through the dirt, filled it full of trash, did not maintain it, and we broke it.
At first it was just broken into a few big pieces. Would have been simple for a Father to fix, but we tried to fix it ourselves instead. We were going through that independent ''I do it myself'' stage that 3 and 4 year olds are famous for. Instead, we keep shattering each piece more and more, and STILL we refuse to let our Daddy step in and make it new again.
''What is she talking about?'' you may ask. America. This gift was our freedom, in an awesome nation which I love with everything in me. I feel very lucky to have been born here, to this freedom. It is a GOD-given right, which He chose to give us long before this land was ever discovered. He gave us free-will upon creation, and we Americans have used this gift more than any other.
How did we break it? Well..picture this: Our ancestors, whether people like it or not,  founded this country on GOD. They went through a LOT, left their homes, took their families, children, and boarded a ship to travel for months in horrible conditions to go to a place they had never seen Why? So that they could worship GOD. They wanted freedom of religion. The ''separation of church and state'' was never meant to be used to push God out of schools, government buildings, etc. I mean...for goodness sakes, back AFTER it was written the school and churches were IN THE SAME BUILDING! This ''separation'' law was written so that the government could no longer FORCE us to worship in THEIR way. It was written to protect us from government interference. And yes, I believe this law is for everyone, not just any one religion. I think that if you want to bow down every day and worship Mickey Mouse, and when it is prayer time in school, you wish to pray to Mickey Mouse, then that is your right, because, as I said, God gave us free will. It is not the government's place to take the free will God gave us.
And this was just the beginning of the breaking of our gift. As I said, we had to try to fix it ourselves, instead of letting our very capable Daddy renew it. Look back a few years shall we? Its the 1950's. Mama stays home, cares for the kids,cooks, cleans, pretty much has it made. Daddy goes to work, handles the discipline, pays the bills, HEADS THE HOUSE! Now..I know a few women will hate me for this , but here we go. They just HAD to fight for equal rights. Forgetting what the Bible said, forgetting that God put man as the head of the house , not to degrade us, but so that we could be in our natural, caring, nurturing role in a safe, protected environment. They had to try to improve it. So they fought, and they won. We, as women , had it made, but it wasn't good enough. Now, with the economy crashing, more women are working than men. More kids are in jail, on drugs, in gangs. Children are growing up with a confused sense of gender-roles and believing they were ''born gay''. More abortions are taking place, sometimes simply because a woman doesn't want a child to interrupt her career. Others are because of immorality, whether by promiscuous actions, rape, etc. The Catholic church has just decided to accept homosexuality in the church and approve of same sex marriage.
So we now have reversed gender roles, abortions, gangs taking over cities, children killing children, crushed economy, government trying to cost people more money while everyone is losing their jobs, immorality is not just accepted, it is now welcome in our churches, and even in small town America, it is not safe to walk down the street. It is broken, and we can't fix it. Daddy can...but we won't let Him, because we must be ''free''to say
''I do it myself.''

Health Care?

 (Written by, Angela Kaye Mason)

I can't pretend to know very much about this new Health Care Reform thingy the president is pushing so hard. I mean , after all, from what I understand it is many many pages long and not even all the people who are voting on it have probably read and understand it all. When it was first introduced, I thought it was supposed to help those of us who cannot afford health care to get it. Of course I was already skeptical. The country is falling apart, the economy is broke...and can't get fixed. Social Security, Welfare, etc, is already in crisis. How could we possibly add any more help to the poor?
I have friends who were all for it, and from their point of view I guess I understand. They wanted to lower the costs of the Health care they are already paying for. They wanted the Government to step in and force Insurance Companies to  give customers what they are paying for, instead of refusing treatment to people who have had their policies for years, and missed the fine print, or didnt understand the ''clauses'' the company used to get out of the help the customers were due. It all sounds pretty good...just the little bit I am able to address in the blog.
Here is my issue with it all. I saw in a newscast last week, that the reform that is going through now, says that every American will have to have Health Insurance the same way we have to have car insurance. That to NOT have it will cost the citizen ''small penalties'' or fines just like the tickets we get for driving without insurance. The reporter, who I actually like, but did not agree with on this one, even stated that he felt it would not work because the ''young'' people would just decide to pay the penalties and not get insurance, thus leaving the older more responsible people to foot the bill, and Healthcare costs would just rise even more.
All of the opinions are forgetting one important detail. Some of us are not CHOOSING to not have insurance now. We don't NEED the government of this ''free'' country to force us to have insurance. If we could afford it, we would already have it. In 2000 I was diagnosed with lyme disease. I also don't produce enough blood so I am almost always anemic. My normal blood pressure after activities is 90/60. I have had to have blood transfusions, and cannot afford the treatment I need now. Trust me, if I could afford healthcare., I'd have it. no one would have to force it on me.And they are saying that this reform would make it more affordable. I actually laughed out loud at this one, because, as I said , it shows that they have NO idea what it's like for the real people out here.There are people I know personally who cannot afford to feed their family...literally. We can't afford to go to doctors, and we don't. They want to make us have insurance that we won't use because we will never go to the doctor unless it is life threatening. That is how we live. We can't afford it..period. I don't have enough to pay my bills now...so even if they could make it only 5 bucks a week....which they won't...I don't have it. And what happens to those who can't afford the ''small fee''? Do we go to jail? Get probation? Owe the courts/government even more? Brilliant idea for decreasing the deficit by getting money from poor people. Terrible idea for helping poor people have healthcare.